Why is "she" loading?

I have wanted to have my own blog ever since I discovered that it's a legitimate career and people can make a reasonable living from it.

That realization was about 5 years ago. Yet, here I am, finally taking the steps necessary to achieve my dream.

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I've written about my feelings - anger, sadness, grief, joy - for as long as I could remember. And writing has always been the one place that I truly felt free to say what I needed to say. Writing still is the one place where I can bare my soul, and it's where I best express myself.

With talking, I always end up backtracking or saying something that I haven't fully thought out yet.

With writing, I'm able to sink into my emotions, process them, and in the end come to a logical conclusion.

I say all of that to say: I am very vulnerable when I write.

It's the reason why I wrote apologies as notes when I was a kid. It's the reason why I write poems about my boyfriend. It's the reason why I journal at night when I've had a terrible day.

And maybe that is why it took me so long to finally do this. Publicly, with no shame or guilt, or embarrassment.

Five years ago, I was going to name my blog "Trial & Error by Eryn".

Don't laugh. (lol)

You have to agree that it does roll off the tongue.

I do admit that the title was a bit longer than I would've liked, but it was the best I could do at the time. And I was so proud of it.

But, five years later, I will be naming this blog "She's loading..." largely for the same reasons.

I wanted to convey both to myself and to my audience that it's okay to be in progress. It's okay (and normal) to feel like you don't have it all together. It's okay to make mistakes here and there as long as you recognize that they're mistakes and you do your best to do better the next time.

There were so many times that I felt like I had to be in isolation from others because I was scared of hurting them or scared that I simply wasn't going to be a good friend. I felt that if I wasn't meeting some standard, then I wasn't worthy enough to have deep, intimate, fulfilling relationships in all areas of my life. But to live in isolation is to live in direct contradiction of how humans were designed to live. We were meant to be with others and to be in a community with others.

Who am I to deny myself community, love, and support?

5 years ago, I would have started a blog as a desperate plea. A cry for help, almost. A statement on the internet so that all could see that I needed support but didn't know how to ask for it.

Today, I am happy to say that I am starting a blog to show others three specific things:

1. You will grow as long as you remember that you can.

2. It may not be perfect (whatever thing about yourself that you're trying to improve upon), but it will get better with time and practice and perseverance.

3. Learning and knowing yourself is the first step to advocating for yourself - and in a capitalistic individualistic society, we all need to know a thing or two about self-advocacy.

So if anything I've said (or typed, rather) resonated with you, let me know in the comments.

Have you persevered through a hard time in your life?

Have you ever looked back and realized just how much you've transformed?

What's one thing that you're looking forward to seeing yourself grow in?

Subscribe below to join me on this journey so that we can educate, then advocate...together.